Kinder 14, Me 0

So I got a job.

I think I hinted about this a little over a month ago.  I wanted to wait until things were more "official." I finally signed the contract last week so I guess it is as official as it can get.  It's not much to get excited about, only a little part time thing. 

I'm teaching kids English.  That's right, teaching.  I know what you're thinking: "My God, he can hardly write coherently! His use of grammar is atrocious! And now he's passing that on to kids?"  I thought the same thing too!  I have absolutely no qualifications for this.  When interviewed I said I enjoyed being around little kids.  If you asked me that now, I might have a completely different answer for you.

Did I think I'd be doing something like this before I came over here?  Not really.  Am I prepared for this?  Hardly.  Do I have a new found respect for teachers? You'd better believe it.

At the very least, it does come with a few advantages:

1. With a little luck this will help change my visa status yet again; possibly extending it beyond next August
2. For the first time in months I'll actually be earning money
3. My alcohol tolerance is about to spike
4. I have the opportunity to shape young minds

I only put that last one up there to make you think better of me.  Well, that's not true.  I guess I believed it when I started, too.  Now I'm not too sure.  As of today, I've now given fourteen lessons to four different classes.  Each class lasts only 45 minutes.  45 minutes!  How hard could this be?  Nevertheless, the results are always the same. Complete and utter chaos.

I've tried a few different approaches.  I've been the good guy and the bad guy.  I've tried to come up with some games to play like throwing a ball and asking questions.  I thought this would keep them quiet and would force each to take a turn.  Instead they just like to whip the ball at the next kid's head.  I've tried to let them "teach" by taking turns writing on the chalk board.  Big mistake, that one.

For the life of me, I can't figure out how to get these kids to settle down, pay attention and actually learn something.  Maybe at five years old, this is as good as it gets? Maybe they are learning something and I shouldn't be expecting so much.  But if that's the case, why am I walking out of school each day shaking my head? I walk in with so many good intentions, but walk out like I've just had a safe land on my head.

It doesn't help that my boss is completely unorganized.  We are half a year into the session and the kids still don't have their own books yet.  I also just found out that I'm supposed to have some sort of teachers manual that goes along with the kids' books. Unlike my boss, the book apparently gives advice on how to teach the next lesson.  Huh.  What a novel concept.  When asked why I don't have that book he said he knew I didn't have it, but that he didn't know if he had extra copies.  He said he might be able to order one.  Yeah, well, I guess that'll show up with the kids' books.

Next week is the last week of classes before winter break.  The break will be good but I've got a whole spring semester left to teach. This isn't going away.  Any more of the above mentioned chaos and I'm really going to start dreading this.

So now, dear reader, I humbly ask for your help.  Have you ever taught kids? Have you any advice? I'm desperate here. I'll take anything.  Drop a comment below or send me an email. It will be much appreciated!

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Last but not least, rest in peace Flight of the Conchords, possibly the best comedy I've seen on TV since the BBC's "The Office." Think I can get away with showing this one in class?