Every Auslanders favorite place

Oh Bezirksrathaus, how I love thee.  From your freakish zombie-rising-from-the-ground sculpture outside,

 to your unfinished waiting area with buzzing fluorescent lights (in the same state of disrepair since my first visit nearly a year ago, minus a water cooler),

to your cheerful employees who are always willing to serve me er, eventually.  (I know they only ignore me waiting outside their office because they have much more important things to do.)

Yesterday we returned to the sight of so much joy, Central Bureaucracy.  We each had a few things to take care of there today.  She did all her paperwork necessary so that she can receive her new passport and IDs (with new last name!) after we're married.  After that, we dropped in on our favorite civil servant to ask a few questions regarding my visa status after the marriage.

There was a two hour mid-day break at this next office and we were done with the above-mentioned paperwork early.  We patiently waited outside the office until they re-opened.  There's not much of a system when it comes to visiting these people.  No secretary, no take-a-number, no sign-in sheet.  No, you just sit and wait outside the office until the previous customer leaves.  Then you know the office is free.  There's no window allowing you to see in there, so if you arrive and there's no wait, you have to knock on the door, timidly open it and ask for permission to come in.  Everything you do is in complete deference because they alone seem to hold the power over giving you a visa or kicking you out of the country.  

So there we are waiting outside her office.  It is just two of us.  There are no other customers waiting.  Soon a door opens across the hall and our civil servant enters.  We know it is her because we recognize her from our previous visits.  She crosses the hall, stands directly next to us, unlocks her office door, enters, closes the door and locks it behind her.  Not a word.  Huh.

It is 1:52 and the office hours begin again at 2.  Let's wait.

A minute later another door opens and our civil servant and her colleagues walk out and down the stairs.  The stairs are located across the hall behind yet another door.  (This hallway must be where they got the idea for all those Scooby-Doo chase scenes.)

Ok, a quick smoke after lunch before getting back to work.  Fair enough.  At 1:59 she returns.  She unlocks her door and enters her office.  Not a single word to us.  No eye contact.  Nothing.

We awkwardly chuckle to ourselves.  Do we go in?  What do we do?  We waited another minute and then finally worked up the nerve to knock on the door.  Yes, we were granted permission.  The actual conversation was fine.  And it seems to us that she's even lightened up a bit since our first visits.  If only she hadn't said she remembered us.  That only irritated me because of the cold shoulder we got the whole time waiting.  A simple, "I'll be with you in a few minutes" goes a long way.

We asked about my visa status:

• how that changes once we are married (new one-year visa granted right away), 
• if there is any more paperwork we'll need to do regarding the visa (of course there is!), 
• and also whether or not I can begin to look for regular work (indeed I can).  

This eased a lot of the angst we've had lately because my visa runs out in a few months.  It also gives me a lot more leverage when it comes to deciding whether or not I want to continue working for this moron of a boss.  (I still haven't been paid for work I did in April.)  We thanked her for answering our questions and providing us with more paperwork and an opportunity to come back. Then we got up, bowed, and walked out of the room backwards extolling her virtues and throwing rose petals at her feet.  Well, ok, in my mind we exited that way. 

-----------

The World Cup rolls on and I am constantly surprised by many of the results.  There have been some impressive performances by the smaller countries while many of the supposed powerhouses are just squeaking by or having to deal with a draw.  Still, we've only just seen the first game by everyone.  We may have a clearer picture by the end of the week after everyone has played a second game.

So far there's really only been one dominating performance.  And of course, it came from die Nationalmanschaft.  Yes, Germany kicked the crap out of Australia who, frankly, probably deserved it after this freak of a team pep rally.  (Seriously? John Travolta? WTF?)  Germany ran roughshod and crushed the Soccerroos 4-0.  It probably could have been uglier than that too.  When they announced an extra three minutes of stoppage time, I begged the TV for mercy.

It was a whale of a performance and it has sent the country into a state of delirium.  Monday was non-stop talk about the game.  Every play was broken down and analyzed.  Again.  And Again.  And Again.  You really couldn't avoid it on TV.  From what I've seen and heard, you'd think Germany has already won the World Cup.  There was even a music video of sorts out the very next day.



Maybe just a tab premature, don't you think?  If you are to go the distance, there's still six games left, people.  And those last four will all have to be won.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not rooting against them.  At least not yet anyway.  I think it'd be awfully exciting to be here if they make it to the finals.  But the cockier everyone gets, the harder it is going to be for me to want to support the team.  But this comes from a guy who grew up rooting for a baseball team who's unofficial motto has been "wait 'til next year" for the past 100 years.  Hey, even the "lowly" US beat Australia 3-1 a few weeks ago.

Speaking of the US team, here's some Daily Show reaction to the previous game and the World Cup in general.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World Cup 2010: Into Africa - US Ties England
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Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Still not down with how the game works?  For those of you looking for some basics, here's a great breakdown sent to me yesterday by a good friend.  Once you've seen this, I'm sure it'll all make a lot more sense to you.

What are you doing July 12th?

I don't know about you, but I'll be getting married.  Yep, married.

I'm sure I know the next question.  "You met her years ago online, then met for an amazing week in Paris. Later you even moved to Germany to be together.  So... how did you propose?" 

Ah yes, there we were in Switzerland over the Easter holiday.  We had just spent nearly a week driving from Tuscany to the Swiss Alps where we were to conclude our vacation with a few days skiing.  We reached the top of the slope and gathered ourselves for a few moments before taking off.  This was most likely our last run before heading home the next day.  It was late afternoon and the sun was getting low in the sky.  We leaned forward and pushed off.

Halfway down this particularly long run is a small chalet overlooking the valley.  It is a good place to stop and take in the view over a hot chocolate.  As we zigzagged downhill, we looked to one another and nodded.  Let's stop there for one last time.  We stood on the balcony sipping our hot chocolate and watching as the sun began to dip into the horizon.  I knew this was it.  I waited until her attention was drawn by passing skiers when I reached into my coat pocket.  When she turned back to look at me, I dropped to one knee and asked her to marry me.* 

If only it went like that.  It seems that all your life you think the moment is going to be something like that.  Some sort of grand, sweeping gesture.  A story your family can pass along for generations.  Well, I hate to say it, but ours came about in the most ordinary of fashion.  But then again, maybe we needed something like that, something ordinary.  As my sister said to me, there isn't that much ordinary about how our relationship came together and that maybe we've had enough of the "big" moments for the time being.  She may have a point there. 

Nope, this one came about during the course of a long conversation.  I'm not even sure what the original topic was.  I'm sure we were just talking about work, or to be more honest, complaining about work.  One thing led to another and eventually I said something like "we should get married."  "Ok!" she said.  And that was that.  I'm serious.

Thus began a flurry of activity, most of which involved running back and forth to the Standesamt (registry office) here in Cologne.  For all that we've read, it really was not as difficult a process as we had thought.  Either it really wasn't that difficult, or we have just built up a tolerance to a certain amount of bureaucracy here.  All in all, I think we counted three trips to the Standesamt together.  Although we thought we had all the necessary paperwork, it turns out we needed two other documents.  One was an officially translated version of my birth certificate.  That wasn't difficult to obtain, although it wasn't all that cheap.  The second document needed was an affidavit from the US Consulate stating that I am not currently married in the US.

Unfortunately, that meant an extremely early morning trip to Frankfurt where the nearest Consulate is located.  (There's actually one in Dusseldorf which would have been a lot more convenient, but apparently it is only for emergency situations.)  I made an appointment online using the consulate website.  I printed out the official appointment confirmation which seemed to threaten me with endless bureaucratic delays if I failed to show up for my scheduled time.  My appointment time was 9:30 in the morning.  Of course the Consulate is no where near the center of town so this meant dealing with local public transportation in Frankfurt as well.  After doing all the math, we decided we needed to be on a train around 6:30 in the morning.

Let me just say this.  If you need non-emergency Consulate services and are an American citizen, don't get so worked up about the appointment time.  When we arrived at the building nearly an hour early there was a huge line in front.   This line, however, was for non-US citizens seeking travel visas.  I was able to walk right up to the counter using the line for citizens.  I showed them my scheduled appointment and asked if I should come back later because I was too early.  Instead, he told me to walk right in.  So there you go.  I'm pretty sure I didn't even need to make an appointment.  I probably spent no longer than a half hour inside. 

For all my complaining about the people who work in the Auslanderbehorde, the people at the Standesamt in Cologne couldn't have been any friendlier.  But maybe that comes with the territory.  At one point, as we were signing some of the final documents, the official turned to me and asked (in German of course) "You do realize you are getting married, not simply buying a washing machine, don't you?"

We were told it would take 3-4 weeks before we could take the next step.  Instead, it only took about 2 weeks until the letter arrived stating that we could return to the Standesamt to pick out the wedding day.  We settled on the 12th of July. 

So that's it.  We've turned everything in. We've paid all the requisite fees.  We've bought the rings.  The only thing left to do now is wait.  If you're not doing anything on the 12th of July, why not swing by city hall and wish us luck? 

*Thanks to a good friend for inspiring that story.

Third time's a charm...

at Central Bureaucracy.

By now I should be freaking out. I arrived with just a three month tourist visa. My return flight is set for the end of this month. With a little bit of good fortune and patience we no longer need to worry about that. Last week we got my visa extended. For a year.

As I've written before, we've had a lot of trouble finding out just what conditions need to be met in order to stay longer. Or, at the very least, how long I would have to return to the States before being allowed to come back. I am sure this is written down somewhere official. But we've never been able to find out. Everyone we speak to, everything we read, all seem to tell us something different. Already during the end of August we were both getting a little nervous about the situation.

Most of the people in my classes were from the EU and they don't need to worry about their situation here as much as I do. Fortunately for me, there was at least one in the same boat as me. She comes from Japan and told me about another school that she was going to attend once the current session at the VHS ended. It is a private language school located near the Media Park. They were able to help her get her visa changed. We immediately went and checked out the place. We signed up that day.

To be honest, there wasn't much to complain about with the VHS. I was pretty happy with the classes I took there. We use the same books at the new school so the method is pretty much the same. The difference comes in the administration. As with most things state run, the VHS didn't seem to have much concern with me as a student. The private school, however, not only gave us the necessary paper work for applying for a longer visa, they also let us know about a few other benefits. They offer a really cheap student insurance plan that covers nearly everything. The other benefit was letting me know I am eligible for a student pass with the KVB (the public transportation system). All this and the price per session is just a few euros more than at the VHS.

Armed with all of this knowledge and paperwork, we made our way to Central Bureaucracy to apply for the student visa. Now, we had been told from a few people that you no longer need to apply for these things at the nearest Ausländerbehörde, or (roughly) Foreigner Authority. For us, that is at the Bezirksrathaus, or District Town Hall. Because my school friend had success we decided to go to the same location. The lady was less than friendly with us and then told us we did indeed need to go to our nearest Ausländerbehörde. We were disappointed not only because we expected better luck but also because we had driven into the center of the city, only to have to turn around and drive back out past where we lived.

We got to the local Ausländerbehörde and patiently waited our turn. This place seriously looks like something out of Terry Gilliam's "Brazil." I realize it is undergoing renovations but it sure helps reinforce your stereotype of Central Bureaucracy. Exposed pipes and wires hang from the ceiling, while fluorescent lights buzz and flicker off the concrete walls. I desperately wanted to take a photo for the blog but I didn't want to piss off the authorities who essentially held my fate in their hands.

When it was our turn, we walked in and tried to be as pleasant as possible. I showed all my documents. Unfortunately, we had decided against signing up for the new school's insurance offer because I am still covered under a shorter policy. When this one ends, we figured we would sign up for another one. That wasn't good enough for Central Bureaucracy. With no apologies we were told to return with proof of longer insurance. And a passport photo.

We called the school and told them our situation. The secretary said she'd arrange for all the insurance stuff so that all we had to do was get in there and sign the necessary paperwork. I'm realizing customer service like that is a rare thing in this country! We drove back to the city for a second time that morning. We ran into the school and got all the insurance taken care of. On our way back to the car we realized we had parked in front of a photography studio. We stopped in, got passport photos taken and then raced back to Central Bureaucracy before they closed.

This time we KNEW we had everything. We had my passport, passport photos, school registration, insurance receipt. Nope. Apparently the insurance papers we had were still not good enough. Although it contained all the information to prove that I was signed up (and paid!) for this insurance, she still wanted to see an actual insurance card. That would arrive in the mail with all the other paperwork from the insurance company. As we left the office I am pretty sure I saw a smile on the lady's face for the first time. All we could do was try to smile while gritting our teeth. It was a Friday and with a little luck we figured we'd have the insurance card by Monday or Tuesday.

Once we received that we returned to the office to find the lady in a much better mood. Finally we had everything she needed. She made copies of the insurance card, told us to pay €50 down the hall and then return. We paid the money, returned to her office and watched as she attached the visa to my passport. We walked out of there relieved. I think we ended up taking a three hour nap that afternoon.

So if you find you need to do the same thing, here's an easy check list of what you'll need to bring with:

• Passport
• Proof of insurance (for at least a year)
• Passport photos
• Proof of school registration
• €50
• Plenty of patience
  

Your luck may vary.

The Auslander has landed

It has now been a full week since we've arrived. It has been a whirlwind. I think we arrived on fumes (us, not the plane). In addition to the sad goodbyes came the physical toll of all the packing and carrying of heavy suitcases. We carefully weighed each bag before we left. Somehow I was able to get by with just four suitcases plus carry-on items. For those interested, on international flights you are allowed to check 2 bags no heavier than 50lbs (32kg?). An additional bag will cost money as will any overweight bags up to 70lbs. So technically, I checked three, She checked two.

When we arrived in Frankfurt I came face to face with Adjustment #1:
Air Conditioning is a Privilege, not a Right.

Granted, we arrived at the back end of a heatwave. And I do realize that temperatures are more moderate here and that A/C isn't needed as much. The airport did indeed have the air conditioning going, but it was kind of like visiting that friend who has A/C but refuses to use it until the news issues a warning. Pushing those big heavy bags around the airport while hustling to make the train didn't help either. Each time we entered a new building or corridor I thought "okay, this is where it'll be cooler." Nope. Nevertheless, we eventually arrived in Köln and hauled our luggage up four flights of stairs to the non air conditioned apartment.

The heat combined with the jet lag to give me a pretty awful start to this adventure. By Saturday I developed a pretty wicked stomach ache that only went away when I ate just bread and soup on Sunday. When I visited over the holidays I had the same stomach ache though not as intense or as long lasting. Until then, this never happened. I'm curious if anyone else out there ever came across this after an overseas trip. Hopefully this isn't a recurring issue.

No need to worry about us dying of heat exhaustion. The weather quickly changed over the weekend. Saturday afternoon the clouds rolled in along with hail. I'm not sure I've ever seen hail in such warm weather. Since then it's been much cooler. In fact, as of today it is starting to feel like summer is over. And She always laughed about how extreme the weather is in Chicago. Ha!

Last Friday we registered at the local branch of the city hall or Rathaus (insert joke here). I read my share of expat information in advance of this move and I was prepared for all sorts of red tape and bureaucracy. It actually wasn't as difficult as I had expected. There was just one truly ridiculous moment.

When my number was called, we were told to bring the paperwork to an office. The lady in that office seemed friendly enough. She did some data entry then told us to bring the forms downstairs to another office. This second lady (not nearly as friendly) also did some data entry. Once she was done, she had us bring the forms back upstairs to Lady #1. As goofy as that was, it didn't seem all that different from the DMV back home. However, I have the feeling that was just the beginning of a long process that isn't too different than the beginning of this episode:

Futurama	Weeknights, 9p/8c
Bureaucrat's Joy
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